my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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