Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
