it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
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Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
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Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.