I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I could make wine with my vomit
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
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She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
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He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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