Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night