dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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