Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
