Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
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I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
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Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.