then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
