Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.