i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
