Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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