She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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