When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
