im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
