Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
