your thong is hanging out like whoa
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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