WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
