In the future we'll all be gay
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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