I think I am morally bankrupt
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
