You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Sorry my hands just texted you
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
