can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
