I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
