Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
