Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
