I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
