I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
