Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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