I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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