I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I will be naked everywhere
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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