I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
