you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
