Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
