she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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