i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
