I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize
