Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
