cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
