I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
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My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
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We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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