So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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