So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
