He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
