in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
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The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
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Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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