it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
