In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
