Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
