she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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