I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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