I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
