omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
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Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
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My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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