she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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