You work out of a Hotel?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Dear god my vagina.
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