She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
