remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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