if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
