oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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