I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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