I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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