I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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