HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
