You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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