His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
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Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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