Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
In America we eat man semen.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
