spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
