One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
