At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
