the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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