you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
