I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
