It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
