I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I think people are normalizing furries
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
