I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
