As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Is it penis luge time yet?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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